the truth

I’ve always imagined myself to be one of those women who has super easy pregnancies and loves being pregnant more than life itself.  Needless to say, I was a little shocked at how hard this process can really be.  I don’t hear too many people talk about the details of what it’s like to share your body with another person. 

I know it’s different for everyone.  But for me, the first trimester was pretty intense.  I spent weeks and weeks on end so sick to my stomach that I could sometimes not get off of the couch.  I never had full control of myself.. and would be so upset when once again I had the uncontrollable urge to throw up my food.  The precious food that was so hard to get down in the first place.  Every single day my body wanted something different.  I would crave pot roast one day and gag at the sight of it the next.   Same thing with many different foods.  Not to mention smells.  I just about couldn’t walk through the kitchen without gagging.  Besides the sickness, there was the constant state of zombie-ness.  No amount of sleep was ever enough.  I had no energy to even do a load of laundry or put my dirty dishes into the dishwasher.  It was hard.  I had to rely almost completely on Justin to make it through each day.  And I thought to myself… I really don’t like pregnancy.  But, I always loved being pregnant.

After about week 13, I started having more and more days where I wasn’t completely nauseated and sick.  Every day that I went without that uneasy feeling in my belly felt like a victory.  However, just when I would think the sickness and vomiting were gone for good, I’d have another episode.  At least they were fewer, though.  I could deal with that.  And then… the headaches.  Oh my goodness.  The headaches.  They put me out of commission.  I couldn’t read, look at the computer screen, have lights on in the house, listen to music or just about anything else.  I don’t know how many evenings I spent on the couch in silence in a dimly lit room.  Medicine was prescribed, but didn’t help one bit.  I seriously thought I would have to stop working or else my head would split in two.  With every headache, though, I still thought to myself that this is what I have been praying for.  I would still thank God for blessing us with this little gift inside of me.

Here I sit, at 22 weeks pregnant.  I’m a little over halfway to meeting my precious bundle.  Although the nausea is gone almost completely, and headaches are rare these days… there are new symptoms that have come along.  Heartburn is one. Swollen fingers and feet another.  Backache is even bigger than those two combined.  Even while I type this I feel like my spine is trying to splinter and pull in opposite directions.  It is a pain that never really leaves.  It only intensifies as the day goes on and turns into night.  I know that carrying around the 11 month old baby at work isn’t helping.  Only a few more weeks of that.  I’m really hoping that the back pain will be gone with the job.  Fingers crossed.  Despite these symptoms and the other minor ones that plague me, I am happy and in love.

I can honestly say that I really do like pregnancy now.  Knowing that I am carrying my son around inside me and feeling his little movements every day make it all more than worth it.  I remember telling Justin the other day that I would go through this all again and many times over just to have the chance to meet my sweet Judah.  No amount of pain or sickness can take away the love I already have for him.  I’m so thankful for this pregnancy.  Every single minute of it.  I realize that this is a special time that I’m sharing with my boy that I’ll never get back.  And nobody else gets this time with him.. not even his daddy.  It’s so special being a mother.  I never really understood that before.  Judah is teaching me all kinds of things.  He is my gift from God and answer to my prayers.

I have a feeling that the next 18 weeks of pregnancy aren’t going to be all peaches and cream.  I’m sure that new symptoms will come and others will intensify.  My body is in a constant state of change that I cannot keep up with.  I’m literally being stretched in all directions.  But one thing will remain-- he is worth it all.