Saturday, October 3, 2009

brain overload

Lately I have had so many thoughts swimming around in my head. 

My birthday, conversations with my husband, conversations with friends, conversations with God, reading blogs, and reading Crazy Love have all contributed to these many, scattered, random thoughts.

Where better to spill some of them than my blog?!


I wonder what it feels like to be a parent.

I wonder what it feels like to be a parent of an adult.  Just thinking about that blows me away.

I wonder where I would be and what my life would look like if I had said "no" to God.

I wonder what my life would be like if I had pursued medicine like I once wanted to do.

I wonder how much my childhood and past really impact the way I live my life today.  Sometimes I can see places where it's evident... but most the time I don't really see it.

I think about how much the past 5 years have changed my life, and I wonder what changes the next 5 will bring.

I wonder what it would be like to not have all of the luxuries that we have as Americans.  I realize that I take so many things in my life for granted.  I hate that I do.

I have trouble making really good, close friendships.  I don't understand why.  Is it me?...

I am so ready to pursue my dreams.  When will I see these things take shape?  It's hard to be patient.  Hence why patience is a virtue, I guess.  :p

I've always thought about what I would do in life... what my life would look like.  I had it all planned out in my head.  Sometimes I still try to think ahead and figure it all out.  But lately, it's become so much more clear to me that all of that thinking and figuring is in vain.  I'll never figure it out.  I probably couldn't even guess if I had a billion guesses.  Only God knows.  He is the only one that knew me before I was created.  He is the only one that put me together piece by piece in my mother's womb.  He created me for a specific purpose and with a specific plan.  He created me "to do good works, which God prepared in advance....".  IN ADVANCE.  My whole life is mapped out according to his plan.  That's so neat to me.  It really takes some of the pressure off.  I don't have to worry about choosing the right career or the right time or the right place or the right anything.  If I just seek Him then it will all fall into place.  How cool!

I know that I have sin in my life.  I hate to admit it... but it's the truth.  I could name probably more than a few areas in which I struggle.  U.G.L.Y.  Between talking with Justin yesterday and then reading some scripture today, I have found another area of sin.  I had never even thought about it before.  It's simply doing nothing.  How can you sin if you aren't even doing anything?  This is how...  James 4:17 says "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins".  Wow.  I know that I should be spending lots of time in the Word and in prayer every single day.  I know that I should be witnessing more.  Giving more.  Exercising my spiritual gifts more.  Working more on my relationships (especially with the Lord).  Etc, etc, etc.  I know that I should be doing all of these things, yet I don't.  And THAT IS SIN!  Ouch.


I'm gonna stop now.. gotta get this house picked up and dinner started. 



Summer said...

True, true post.....thanks for sharing your feelings....

Summer said...

By the way....I left you a prize on my blog!!!